Coping With Grief During the Holidays: A Gentle Guide for Long Island Families
Quick Answer. There is no "right" way to grieve during the holidays. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, decide which traditions to keep or change, plan ahead with an easy way out, find a meaningful way to include your loved one, and lean on others for support. Moloney Family Funeral Homes offers grief resources and community events throughout the season — you don't have to do this alone.
The holidays are built around togetherness, tradition and family. When someone you love has died, those same things can make the season feel impossibly heavy. The empty chair at the table, the ornament they always hung, a familiar song in the grocery store — small moments can bring grief rushing back.
If you are facing the holidays after a loss, whether it's your first season without them or your tenth, what you're feeling is normal. For nearly 100 years, our family has walked alongside Long Island families through loss. We've learned there is no "right" way to grieve during the holidays, but there are gentle ways to make the season more bearable.
Why the Holidays Make Grief Feel Heavier
Grief doesn't follow a calendar, but the holidays have a way of magnifying it. The season comes with expectations — to be cheerful, to host, to keep every tradition exactly as it was. Meanwhile, reminders of your loved one are everywhere.
Many people find the weeks leading up to a holiday harder than the day itself. If you're feeling dread as Thanksgiving or Christmas approaches, you're not alone.
Seven Gentle Ways to Cope With Grief This Season
These are not rules or steps to complete. Take what helps and leave the rest.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
You may feel sad one moment and laugh at a family story the next. You may feel guilty for enjoying yourself, or angry that the world keeps celebrating. All of it is part of grief. You don't have to put on a brave face for anyone.
2. Decide Which Traditions to Keep, Change or Skip
Talk with your family ahead of time about what feels right this year. Some families find comfort in keeping every tradition. Others need something different — dinner at another home, a restaurant instead of cooking, or a quieter day altogether.
Nothing you decide has to be permanent. Try something this year and revisit it next year. Traditions can change as your family heals.
3. Plan Ahead, but Keep the Plan Flexible
Knowing how a day will unfold can ease anxiety. Decide where you'll be, who you'll be with and how long you'll stay.
Drive yourself to gatherings so you can leave when you need to, and let someone you trust know you might step out early.
4. Find a Way to Include Your Loved One
Many families find healing in honoring the person they miss rather than avoiding their memory. See a few ideas below.
5. Say No When You Need To, and Yes to Help
You don't have to attend every party, send cards or decorate the whole house. Protect your energy. When friends ask "What can I do?", give them a specific answer — pick up groceries, wrap gifts, drive you to church or the cemetery, or simply sit with you for an afternoon.
6. Take Care of Your Body
Grief is physically exhausting. Try to keep regular sleep and meals, and get outside for a walk, even a short one around the neighborhood. Be mindful of alcohol, which can deepen feelings of sadness and disrupt sleep.
7. Don't Grieve Alone
Connecting with people who understand can make an enormous difference. Lean on friends, family, your faith community or a grief support group. Our Grief Support and Grief Resources pages are a good place to start.
Sometimes comfort comes with four paws. Through our partnership with Therapy Dogs of Long Island, families can spend time with a gentle, specially trained grief therapy dog. Contact our staff to arrange a visit.
Ways to Include Your Loved One This Season
Saying their name out loud can be a gift to everyone at the table. Often, others are waiting for permission to talk about them too. A few ideas:
- ✓ Light a memorial candle at the table or during a family gathering
- ✓ Hang a memory ornament or decorate a small remembrance tree
- ✓ Cook their signature dish or bake from their handwritten recipe cards
- ✓ Set out a memory jar where guests write down a favorite story to read aloud
- ✓ Donate to a cause they cared about, or give a gift in their name
- ✓ Look through photos together or play their favorite holiday music
Families who want to mark a loved one's birthday or anniversary in a more personal way can also learn about our Anniversary and Memorial Celebrations.
Helping Children Through the Holidays After a Loss
Children grieve too, though it may look different — quiet one minute, playing happily the next. Keep familiar routines where you can, and answer their questions honestly in words they understand.
Invite children to help choose a way to remember their loved one. A drawing for the table, a handmade ornament or a letter can give them a meaningful role.
Supporting a Friend Who Is Grieving This Season
If someone you know is facing their first holidays after a loss, small gestures matter.
- ✓ Mention their loved one by name and share a favorite memory
- ✓ Invite them to gatherings, and understand if they say no
- ✓ Offer specific help instead of "Let me know if you need anything"
- ✓ Check in after the holidays, when the cards and visits often stop
Join Us for Holiday Hope
On Saturday, November 21, from 12:00 to 2:00 p.m., Moloney Family Funeral Homes will host Holiday Hope. Visit our Events page for details.
View Upcoming EventsFrequently Asked Questions
Why is grief harder during the holidays?
The holidays come with expectations to be cheerful, to host, and to keep traditions exactly as they were, while reminders of a loved one are everywhere. Many people find the weeks leading up to a holiday even harder than the day itself.
Should I keep holiday traditions after a loss?
There is no right answer. Some families find comfort in keeping every tradition, while others need a change, such as dinner at a different home or a quieter day. Nothing has to be permanent; try something this year and revisit it next year.
How can I honor a loved one during the holidays?
Many families light a memorial candle, hang a memory ornament, cook their loved one's signature dish, set out a memory jar for favorite stories, donate to a cause they cared about, or look through photos together.
How can I help a child grieve during the holidays?
Keep familiar routines where you can, answer questions honestly in words they understand, and invite children to help choose a way to remember their loved one, such as a drawing, a handmade ornament, or a letter.
How can I support a friend who is grieving during the holidays?
Mention their loved one by name, invite them to gatherings while understanding if they decline, offer specific help, and check in after the holidays, when cards and visits often stop.
Where can I find grief support on Long Island?
Moloney Family Funeral Homes offers grief support resources, visits with a grief therapy dog through Therapy Dogs of Long Island, and community events such as Holiday Hope. Call (631) 588-1515 to speak with the Moloney team.
Related Resources
Grief Therapy Dog
Comfort and companionship through our partnership with Therapy Dogs of Long Island.
Learn more →Anniversary & Memorial Celebrations
Mark a birthday or anniversary with a personal remembrance.
Learn more →Additional Resources
- Therapy Dogs of Long Island — grief therapy dog visits
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988, available 24/7, if grief ever brings thoughts of harming yourself
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
The holidays after a loss won't look the way they used to, and that's okay. If you're struggling and need someone to talk to, our team is here for you. From our family to yours, we wish you moments of peace and comfort this holiday season.
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